‘Marriage scam’

THE day our secretary got married, we closed the office and walked three hundred meters with the bride and the groom to the Capitol in what could be the longest bridal march ever.

I remember that and the return walk very well because it was I who took pictures of the wedding entourage but captured nothing for printing (it must have been the camera, my law partners consoled me).

Like most couples planning to wed but who don’t have the time or the resources to prepare for an elaborate church wedding, Myrna and Allan decided to exchange vows before a judge. In their case, it was before the late Judge Leonardo Cañares. We made sure of that.

The law does not require a marriage ceremony to follow a particular form, only that the parties must declare that they take each other as husband and wife in the presence of the solemnizing officer and of two witnesses. The vow to hold and keep each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health until death do you part is not required by the Civil Code.

So a marriage ceremony can be as business-like and as straightforward as the arraignment of an accused except that instead of being made to choose between “guilty” or “not guilty,” the bride and the groom are told to pick “yes” or “no,” whether he/she does or he/she doesn’t.

Judge Leonie, however, made sure that it did not happen in weddings that he officiated. Before the ceremony, he had two ceramic (wooden?) doves placed on his table and an old phonograph on the stenographer’s. Music (“Love Is A Many Splendored Thing, if I remember correctly) wafted softly in the air as Myrna and Allan exchanged “I dos.” And his five-minute sermon could put to shame a priest or pastor! No wonder, his sala was a favorite destination for couples desiring to get married.

We were lucky because Myrna and Allan (who, like Judge Leonie, has since rejoined his Maker) married a long time ago. If they had decided to tie the knot today, we wouldn’t have been able to choose Judge Leonie. In fact, we wouldn’t have been able to pick our judge at all.

As a result of the expose of an alleged “marriage scam”, weddings will now be raffled for assignment among the judges. The move shows sensitivity to public perception. But since a scam is defined as a fraudulent scheme, how come no one of those who have been supposedly overcharged has come forward to declare that he has been swindled?

SunStar

Suppressed emotions

VERY often, we do not want to talk about something that might upset the one we love. Consequently, we remain quiet but bothered. Later on, we run the risk of the situation boiling over and causing damage that could have very well been prevented if only we had initiated a dialogue.

Perhaps the one you love has a habit that irritates you or might even be a threat to your love. Maybe he drinks too much but you are hesitant to talk about it for fear of losing him. This happens all too often, especially in the early part of a relationship when the bonds of love are not yet that strong.

Failure to address the issue puts more stress and strain on the couple. Frustration builds as the partner wants to talk, but somehow cannot bring herself about to do so. When she does bring up the issue, there will most likely be more emotion and that can mean trouble.

I remember a woman who was getting very irritated because her boyfriend was almost always late. Worse, he would not call to advise her that he would be delayed. For quite a while, she said nothing and pretended not to be bothered when she really was. Finally, she could no longer handle her feelings and lashed out at him with a fury. The guy was shocked and could not understand why so much anger when he was just late by a few minutes. Actually, her outburst was more about an accumulation of many late dates she had never talked to him about. This latest incident was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

Or, you might be upset because your partner is continuously picking on one of your weaknesses, but you remain quiet in order not to start a fight. The day comes, however, when you can no longer contain your disappointment and irritation and you lash out at him. He cannot understand why you waited so long to tell him about how you felt.

This reminds me of my own lack of communication. Years ago, I handled a group of men. One of them had the habit of coming to the dinner table dressed only in basketball shorts. For weeks, I didn’t say a word for fear of offending him. Finally, I could no longer handle it and asked him to put on a shirt. When I told him he offended me with his lack of respect, he was deeply apologetic. He went and put on a shirt and that was the end of the matter. I could have saved myself a whole lot of stress and pain if only I had told him much earlier.

I think this happens to most of us. We want to be kind and decent. We hate to offend and make enemies, so we remain quiet as we continue to heat up inside. It would be a lot better if we would move early on and speak up in a calm and controlled voice.

SunStar

Sequences of betrayal

OK, after these 11 columns about the causes of and probable reasons why men betray their women, what are the most likely sequences of betrayal?

Two marriage counselors, Goldner and Rhodes, tell us what usually happens. I can confirm and agree with them. Over 40 years of counseling couples in trouble have shown me the sequence of events that lead to betrayal.

The counselors give a step-by-step scenario of what leads up to the betrayal itself.

1. Your betrayer is dissatisfied with certain aspects of your relationship.

2. He calls them to your attention a few times; you seem not to respond.

3. Your betrayer’s frustration builds because he feels ignored.

4. Eventually he gives up. He becomes sullen, even depressed.

5. You don’t notice how upset your betrayer really is.

6. He shifts his energy and emotions away from you.

At this point the betrayal is an accident waiting to happen. Your partner is open to connecting with any attractive person who offers attention, understanding and responsiveness. His new friend appears to be caring, empathetic, and exciting . . . very different from you.

7. Your betrayer makes a deliberate choice to direct his energy and emotions toward his new friend. Their relationship deepens and becomes sexual.

8. He makes another deliberate choice not to tell you. He and his new friend start to plan their future together.

9. You are unaware of what is going on. He has formed another relationship right under you nose.

At some point you find out what’s going on. You urge your betrayer to go for counseling, but he refuses. After all, he’s been distancing himself from you for months or even years. There’s no way he is going to go backward. He’s found what he has been looking for and he is not about to give it up.

The betrayal is now an accomplished fact. Your relationship is now officially over.

Goldner and Rhodes know what they are talking about. This is why the wife rarely gets much cooperation from the husband when she desperately tries to save the marriage. He has gone too far already and is no longer interested in reconciliation. And if, by some miracle or twist of fate, he does not leave the house, the marriage might still be damaged beyond repair. The couple may go on, but it is not and can never be the way it used to be. Even if the wounds heal, the scars and the memories will always remain even if they are never talked about.

Betrayal is the most common cause of marital conflict and separation. When there is betrayal, there is loss of trust, loss of credibility and, yes, loss of love. It is exceedingly difficult to love a man who has lied, deceived and slept with another woman after he has committed himself to you. You might forgive, but you can never forget. And the memories will always keep a measure of doubt active in your mind. That is in the nature of betrayal.

Manila Times

By Bob Garon

Chain Message

Hi, my name is Kay, and i am 12 years old. i have long light brown hair, one brown eye and one blue eye. i am not an ordianary human. i can change reality and walk through walls.Yes, i am alive. if i wasn’t, how would i be telling you this? and yes i have all my body parts, and the only scar or something i have is one i got from falling off the trampoline, lol. And once you start reading this, you can’t stop.

GRRR!!! all the songs on imeem are cutting to 30 seconds!

i hate chain letters but if i’m lucky this will bend realty. to make it bend reality, i will use…MERMAID MAGIC!!!

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******************************************************************

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TA-DAH!!! lol

okay, now this chain letter you can trust! copy and paste this to all the songs you find that are only 30 seconds long to extend them to full length, if send it to your friends for them to do so! but if you don’t, the next soda you drink will be flat and the next time you watch TV there will be nothing on but Barney! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Also, if your especially ignore this and treat it like junkmail, i will come to your house and lets just say its always warm where your going and you get a giant spork.

DUN DUN DUN.

if you don’t believe me, i’ve kept these guy’s results.

Ex 1:
Take Melvin Perkins. He was ish lucky boi, rich and smart. until he saw this chain letter. He laughed at it, thought it was dumb. he deleted it.
Well, ha ha Melvin! HAHA! When he went to bed, i hid under his bed and killed him after the lights in his house flickered on and off. Who says girls don’t murder? Now, unless you wanna end up like foolish Melvin, copy and paste this!

Ex 2:
Take Mary Jenson. She saw this chain letter, and copied and pasted it
2 times. Not enough, Mary! The next time she drank her soda it was flat. then she almost died in a car accident! And she is still in the hospital today.

Ex 3:
Take James Qwan. He saw this chain, just copied and pasted this 6 times. Sorryz, James! But not enough! Well that night, after going to a party he saw someone die in a car crash and blood and some gore was everywhere! Scared, he ran back home. Then he saw bloody Mary in his window! He still has nightmares about it and is scarred for life.

Ex 4:

Take Faye Coleman. A chain letter, she thought. She was very bored so she copied and pasted this and sent it to 10 people. Then she went on imeem, and her favourite song which was cut down to a 30-sec sample was full-length! and then the next day, her secret crush kissed her, she won the lottery, and got a new hi-def TV!

Send this to at least 8 people or i’ll have to torture you:

0 people- prepare to sing “i love you, you love me! We’re a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you…” oh, and you will die. haha.

1-3 people- your next soda will still be flat but 3 songs on imeem that have been cut to 30 seconds will become full length. but you will get badly injured. HAHA XD

4-7 people- tonight you will be frightened, almost scarred for live! but not physicly harmed. 10 songs will become full.

8 or more people- OMG!!!! your safe! and all your favorite songs on imeem that have been cut to 30 seconds are in the process of becoming full-length, and tomorrow will be the best day of your life.

You have 1 day. A WHOLE day. Aren’t it nice? Well i won’t be that nice if you don’t copy and paste this!

Too Good to Be True

HAVE you ever had anything in your life that’s simply “too good to be true”? I’m actually pondering on the thought within the context of being given something rare; say an opportunity or expensive thing, without having to pay in return. Most people call it charity; others, blessing. For some, it’s just pure luck. No matter how one calls it, the most interesting question will always be that if it happens, does it really come without any price at all?

Great responsibility comes with every great talent. I believe the same applies in privileges, blessings, or fortune. A great part of our Filipino tradition also urges Gratitude. Well, it’s more of indebtedness. Utang na loob. Unfortunately, these things are too difficult to quantity. Come to think of it, they can never be quantified. Someone told me once, “For as long as you can avoid it, never ask any favour from anyone – not even your friends. You will never be able to repay an ‘utang na loob’. Trust me.” I actually believe him. But that doesn’t discount some people who actually find joy in helping others without asking for something in return. Even if they deserve more, a simple smile of appreciation is enough for them. I also believe that prayers for them would do wonders. These are people who I find to be too good to be true. I actually know a few.

Maybe being too-good-to-be-true or doing something that’s too-good-to be-true comes from believing in the good that’s in all of us beyond all odds; believing that even if something turns out bad, what’s more important is that you did the right thing in the first place. Hmm….Better said than done? Ah well, it happens.

SunStar

It’s time for school

START the new school year with a fresh new look—dress up your uniform with accessories that are both fashionable yet efficient.

Good luck on these year!

Speak out: Thank you, dad

HOW we thank thee? Let us count the ways.

We thank thee for:

–Showing us what unconditional love is all about;
–Guiding and molding us to be good Christians;
–Not being too strict or too lenient with us;
–Not comparing our generation with yours;
–Not forgetting that the earth revolves around the sun, that time changes and so do happenings and things that surround us;
–Realizing that we too have our own ways of thinking, preferences, mood swings, likes and dislikes;
–Adjusting to situations and adopting to our world;
–Teaching the difference between love and discipline;
–Weighing and re-evaluating things before you blow your top and reprimand us;
–Being there in good times or in bad;
–Being understanding and considerate when the world turns its back from us;
–Being the all-around persona in our lives as working father, teacher, adviser, companion, disciplinarian all rolled into one, and best of all, as our best friend;
–Believing that fatherhood is the noblest career in the world and that nothing is more hurting than to see your kids suffer or fail in their lives;
–Being our inspiration and our hero;
–Showing us how to cross a bridge over troubled waters;
–Taking time to explain to us the “whats”, the “whys”, or the “hows” of life;
–Your all-out support in all our endeavors from grade school to high school to college and more;
But most of all, for making us what we are today: A father ourselves.

Happy Father’s Day!!!

Sun.Star Editorial