School Rumble: Scene 3

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade then each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, “There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer, or that’s Michael, he’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead.”

–Uhmm…bad small voice it is…

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Classic Definitions in Diction-vary

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at the one end and a fool at the other.

2. Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gains her masters.

3. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

4. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

5. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

6. Conference: The confusion of one multiplied by the number present.

7. Conference Room: A place when nobody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

8. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

9. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

10. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

11. Experience: The name that men give to their mistakes.

12. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

13. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

14. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

15. Father: A banker provided by nature.

16. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest, expect that he got caught.

17. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

18. Politician: one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

19. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

20. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

All time jokes

Inspirational Quotes

= All problems had a solution, If there is no solution, don’t problem it anymore.

= Always remember: If others can do, better do the things for them. Make life easy…

= Not all handsome has girlfriend, some of them has boyfriend.

Our lesson for today is about English

Teacher: Sorry class, I’m late. My mother died three years ago, and she’s dead. (Whaaat???)

*********

Teacher: Class, I want you to watch Sex Scenes.

Class: What?! Teacher!

Teacher: What’s wrong? It’s a beautiful film starring Bros Welles! (Bruce Willis)

Class: Aahh, Sixth Sense!

*********

Teacher: What is your name?

Student: Dell.

Teacher: What is your old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)

*********

Teacher to Students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!

*********

Teacher to Students: Okay class, It’s time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.

*********

Angry Teacher to Student: I want you to bring your Father and your Mother, especially your parents. Understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!

*********

Teacher to Students: What do you take my subject for?! granted?

Sister Aritmetik and Sister Logikal

Sister Aritmetik and Sister Logical were together on there way home late in that evening…

Sister Aritmetik: Sister, there’s a man following us.
Sister Logikal: Yeah, we better run before he could follow us.
Sister Aritmetik: According to my calculations, even though we run as fast as we can, he can follow within 11 minutes.
Sister Logikal: It’s Logical! We better hurry.

(They both walk faster and faster)

Sister Aritmetik: He is still following us! According to my calculations, he can follow us within 6 minutes.
Sister Logikal: It’s Logical! We better separate our way back home.

(They both separated their ways. The man followed Sister Logikal, on the other side Sister Aritmetik got herself home but she was worried on her Sister Logikal, she call her up…)

Sister Aritmetik: The man followed you. What happened?
Sister Logikal: When I’m on my way home, he’s still following me.
Sister Aritmetik: Oh my God! What happened?
Sister Logikal: It’s Logical! I pulled my dress up and he pulled his pants down.
Sister Aritmetik: Then?What happened? (she felt nervous when she said)
Sister Logikal: It’s Logical! I ran! The man pulled down his pants and logically he can’t be able to run easily so I’d be able to get away from him! I totally escape on that man! Whew! (…Akala niyo green noh?)

Prison Vs. Work

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison you get time for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for your good behavior with more work.

In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison a guard locks, opens and closes all doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card, lock and open all doors all by yourself.

In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share. In prison they allow you to visit your family and friends. At work you can’t even speak to family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work, you get paid all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spent most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs that you ca leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never ge out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic. At work we call them managers!

Pinoy Jokes!part4- The pResiDenTiabLeS

Erap’s Prayer

Gambling father
who art in jueteng
hakot be thy name
thy kickback come
thy wealth be done,
in Wack-Wack as it is in San Juan .
Give me this day
My daily bribe
And conceal all my sins
As I conceal those who sin along with me
And if I am Led into temptation
Deliver me from criticism
For mine is the country,
its power, and its money
forever and ever. Amen.

Response:

Aba Ginoong Estrada
Napupuno ka ng kwarta
Ang panginoon ng jueteng ay sumasaiyo
Bukod kang pinagpala sa lahat ng bobo
At pinagpala ka naman ng kay raming
kulasisi mo.

Erap’s Mi ultimo Adios

Mi parte de jueteng wala na.
Mis compadres y lords nabuking na.
Los mansiones de mis
queridas ini-imbistiga
Mis amigos de la Camara el
ultimo pagasa. wabert

GMA and Erap

GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na “Sugarfree.”
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

Pinoy Jokes! part 3

Dear Anak..

Naipadala ko na ang 50 libo pang tuition mo,pinagbili na namen ung kalabaw natin, Ang mahal pala ng COUNTERSTRIKE na kurso!!!, Wala narin pala tayong mga baboy naipagbili narin namen para dun sa sinasabi mong project, NOKIA N75 ba yun?? , Ang naman ng project mo!!,
Kasama din dun ang 7 libo para sa FIELDTRIP niyo sa MALL OF ASIA, Malayo ba yun?? Bkit ang mahal??,
Isasanla pa namin palayan para mabili mo ung instrumentong I-POD…Napailaw niyo na ba ung pinagpupuyatan niyong SANMIG LIGHTS?? …
Sana GRUMADUATE ka na anak..

Nagmamahal ang iyong INA!!

NEWS: Headlines bukas, ngayon ang broadcast!

1. Isang malamig na bangkay natagpuang BUHAY!
2. Buntis sinaksak baby nakailag!
3. Anak sa labas pinapasok!
4. May bagyong papalapit sa pilipinas pero pilipinas lumalayo!
5. Invisible man nakita na!
6. Basurero binasura!
7. Aso nasagasaan dalawang garapata sugatan!
8. Bading ginahasa tuwang tuwa!
9. Dalawang kalbo nagsabunutan!
10. Palaisdaan nasunog!
11. Dalawang pilay nagsipaan.
12. Dalawang pipi nagsigawan.
13. Dalawang bulag nagtinginan.
14. Isang bata sinaksak walang sugat.
15. Isang bingi nakarinig.
16. Kuto napautot.
17. Rapist nirape

Revise Version:

HEADLINE BUKAS NGAUN ANG BROADKAS!:

GOOD NEWS!
WALANG BADNEWS:!!!!

Tahanan walang hagdan, inakyat!!

Isang bakla ginahasa,,,tuwangtuwa!!!

Unanong madre…napagkamalang penguin!!!

Basurero nag sampa ng kaso,,,binasura!!!

Tubero,,nagkatulo!!

Misis ng photographer,,,,nakunan!!!

Isang buntis sinaksak,,bata nakaiwas!!!!

Barkong lumubog hindi nakatiis,,,,lumutang!!!

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