A Death News

Early this morning as I browse the net to read some news and have it posted to our site. There’s one topic in common that gets my attention. The death of Heath Ledger, an Australian young actor who’ve known to the movie way back two years entitled “Brokeback Mountain“.

There is undetermined cause of death, yet the findings of the investigation leads to overdosed of pills and committed suicide. According to the news, he found unconscious on his bed at his apartment in NYC Tuesday. He was about to wake up by the housekeeper for his scheduled massage, notice not breathing and remain unresponsive that concluded the housekeeper that Heath was dead.

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At the age of 28, he’s young then to die. A very promising actor who’d brought the entertainment industry a remarkable one.

Even my co-workers here in office can’t ever imagined the sudden death of Heath (hala ka oi…). We’ve known him more when he played a gay cowboy on the controversial film “Brokeback Mountain“. I haven’t known him very much in person but even though for a couple of years I’d saw his name on the net and read some articles about him. And I found some good and bad articles about him and finding it quite interesting things to be read.

Readers had a mixed critique about it. It was a shocking news that popping out on the net regarding on his death. It was an unexpected news to unexpected character. He will be fondly remembered. Condolence.

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Work!

In this morning when I’m having my work, I had read some articles on-line regarding of featured Employment Issues. I was got an idea to read it then. First, it makes me quite interesting reading the article. It has the sense of reality, then I just put up in my mind that I will going to repost it then,so, be free to read this article from SunStar by By Rolo B. Cena,Pulpbits:

LATE this week, I received a resignation letter from one of my staff. A portion of which reads as follows: “While I appreciate your energy and effort in training me to become what I have become now, I could no longer bear the indifference of the management to us people in the rank and file.”I was shocked reading it; I thought it was just a straightforward statement of resignation.

I called for her in my office. As always my style, I would just ask an employee one question. I asked her this: What is it that you want to say before finally leaving?

She was in tears but did not cease from her talking. After almost an hour, I realized I can still make her change her mind. Her story is just as ordinary as her fear of losing the job so she decided to leave for another place, a place where she can find security of tenure. Don’t ever lie; this is all what we are looking for? Am I right?

The main reason why she is leaving is the low salary rate; the indifference is only secondary. Even if she tells me otherwise, I won’t believe her. In the Philippines and among Asian countries, money (salary) is the number motivator why people work. Perfect!

So I investigated. Later I learned she was offered by another company a rate higher by a thousand pesos than what we are giving her. After a serious talk, I was able to convince her to stay and gave her instantly an increase of the same amount. She was sold to the idea; she stayed.

Employers, we can’t blame our workers if they come out to look for better jobs. At one point, we need to examine why people from our organizations are moving out. In my own analysis, as a business executive, there are only three reasons why people are leaving their employers: low salary & benefit package, career move, and dissatisfaction with the management.

As an advocate of Organizational Change and Development, I strongly believe the management should focus on these three aspects. With the advent of multi-national business process outsourcing companies in the country today, people don’t hesitate to resign. Offers are getting better!

As what I was saying, money (or salary) in the Philippines and among Asian nations is the ultimate motivator to work. When this is satisfied, career path or career stability is looked into.

Great power comes with great responsibility. In the workplaces, money(salary) is power. The higher the salary the worker has, the higher the position; the higher the position the worker has, the greater the responsibility. Meaning, if one has a bigger salary, then he or she is now in the position with power. At this point, the worker may now consider this as a career, not just a job for him.

However, if the worker, even with great power or responsibility, becomes frustrated, the probability of losing him is high. This is now the problem the management has to consider seriously because, while there are a manifold number of applicants vying for just one post, this doesn’t mean the management can just throw the person out of the organization.

While the management can easily find the person based on curriculum vitae, finding the right man with the right attitude and somebody the management can trust is one in a million.

On the other hand, a worker can look at things this way: take everything as a challenge. Grow from there and the moment your resume can now speak of “demands” then leave.

The indifference mentioned earlier can be subjective; it is individualistic in nature. I may say the management is indifferent to me but the way others may interpret this indifference as “pushing me to the edge.” Meaning, as an employee, I was just challenged because the management has a plan for me.

Workers, the management does not allow its plan for an employee. The management observes employees. You cannot demand the management to train you become managers. It’s their prerogative.

Perspective! This is putting things in proper perspective. Workers should put things in proper perspective in the way as the management should. When this happens, a more productive employment and business shall be born.

‘Marriage scam’

THE day our secretary got married, we closed the office and walked three hundred meters with the bride and the groom to the Capitol in what could be the longest bridal march ever.

I remember that and the return walk very well because it was I who took pictures of the wedding entourage but captured nothing for printing (it must have been the camera, my law partners consoled me).

Like most couples planning to wed but who don’t have the time or the resources to prepare for an elaborate church wedding, Myrna and Allan decided to exchange vows before a judge. In their case, it was before the late Judge Leonardo Cañares. We made sure of that.

The law does not require a marriage ceremony to follow a particular form, only that the parties must declare that they take each other as husband and wife in the presence of the solemnizing officer and of two witnesses. The vow to hold and keep each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health until death do you part is not required by the Civil Code.

So a marriage ceremony can be as business-like and as straightforward as the arraignment of an accused except that instead of being made to choose between “guilty” or “not guilty,” the bride and the groom are told to pick “yes” or “no,” whether he/she does or he/she doesn’t.

Judge Leonie, however, made sure that it did not happen in weddings that he officiated. Before the ceremony, he had two ceramic (wooden?) doves placed on his table and an old phonograph on the stenographer’s. Music (“Love Is A Many Splendored Thing, if I remember correctly) wafted softly in the air as Myrna and Allan exchanged “I dos.” And his five-minute sermon could put to shame a priest or pastor! No wonder, his sala was a favorite destination for couples desiring to get married.

We were lucky because Myrna and Allan (who, like Judge Leonie, has since rejoined his Maker) married a long time ago. If they had decided to tie the knot today, we wouldn’t have been able to choose Judge Leonie. In fact, we wouldn’t have been able to pick our judge at all.

As a result of the expose of an alleged “marriage scam”, weddings will now be raffled for assignment among the judges. The move shows sensitivity to public perception. But since a scam is defined as a fraudulent scheme, how come no one of those who have been supposedly overcharged has come forward to declare that he has been swindled?

SunStar

Suppressed emotions

VERY often, we do not want to talk about something that might upset the one we love. Consequently, we remain quiet but bothered. Later on, we run the risk of the situation boiling over and causing damage that could have very well been prevented if only we had initiated a dialogue.

Perhaps the one you love has a habit that irritates you or might even be a threat to your love. Maybe he drinks too much but you are hesitant to talk about it for fear of losing him. This happens all too often, especially in the early part of a relationship when the bonds of love are not yet that strong.

Failure to address the issue puts more stress and strain on the couple. Frustration builds as the partner wants to talk, but somehow cannot bring herself about to do so. When she does bring up the issue, there will most likely be more emotion and that can mean trouble.

I remember a woman who was getting very irritated because her boyfriend was almost always late. Worse, he would not call to advise her that he would be delayed. For quite a while, she said nothing and pretended not to be bothered when she really was. Finally, she could no longer handle her feelings and lashed out at him with a fury. The guy was shocked and could not understand why so much anger when he was just late by a few minutes. Actually, her outburst was more about an accumulation of many late dates she had never talked to him about. This latest incident was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

Or, you might be upset because your partner is continuously picking on one of your weaknesses, but you remain quiet in order not to start a fight. The day comes, however, when you can no longer contain your disappointment and irritation and you lash out at him. He cannot understand why you waited so long to tell him about how you felt.

This reminds me of my own lack of communication. Years ago, I handled a group of men. One of them had the habit of coming to the dinner table dressed only in basketball shorts. For weeks, I didn’t say a word for fear of offending him. Finally, I could no longer handle it and asked him to put on a shirt. When I told him he offended me with his lack of respect, he was deeply apologetic. He went and put on a shirt and that was the end of the matter. I could have saved myself a whole lot of stress and pain if only I had told him much earlier.

I think this happens to most of us. We want to be kind and decent. We hate to offend and make enemies, so we remain quiet as we continue to heat up inside. It would be a lot better if we would move early on and speak up in a calm and controlled voice.

SunStar

Sequences of betrayal

OK, after these 11 columns about the causes of and probable reasons why men betray their women, what are the most likely sequences of betrayal?

Two marriage counselors, Goldner and Rhodes, tell us what usually happens. I can confirm and agree with them. Over 40 years of counseling couples in trouble have shown me the sequence of events that lead to betrayal.

The counselors give a step-by-step scenario of what leads up to the betrayal itself.

1. Your betrayer is dissatisfied with certain aspects of your relationship.

2. He calls them to your attention a few times; you seem not to respond.

3. Your betrayer’s frustration builds because he feels ignored.

4. Eventually he gives up. He becomes sullen, even depressed.

5. You don’t notice how upset your betrayer really is.

6. He shifts his energy and emotions away from you.

At this point the betrayal is an accident waiting to happen. Your partner is open to connecting with any attractive person who offers attention, understanding and responsiveness. His new friend appears to be caring, empathetic, and exciting . . . very different from you.

7. Your betrayer makes a deliberate choice to direct his energy and emotions toward his new friend. Their relationship deepens and becomes sexual.

8. He makes another deliberate choice not to tell you. He and his new friend start to plan their future together.

9. You are unaware of what is going on. He has formed another relationship right under you nose.

At some point you find out what’s going on. You urge your betrayer to go for counseling, but he refuses. After all, he’s been distancing himself from you for months or even years. There’s no way he is going to go backward. He’s found what he has been looking for and he is not about to give it up.

The betrayal is now an accomplished fact. Your relationship is now officially over.

Goldner and Rhodes know what they are talking about. This is why the wife rarely gets much cooperation from the husband when she desperately tries to save the marriage. He has gone too far already and is no longer interested in reconciliation. And if, by some miracle or twist of fate, he does not leave the house, the marriage might still be damaged beyond repair. The couple may go on, but it is not and can never be the way it used to be. Even if the wounds heal, the scars and the memories will always remain even if they are never talked about.

Betrayal is the most common cause of marital conflict and separation. When there is betrayal, there is loss of trust, loss of credibility and, yes, loss of love. It is exceedingly difficult to love a man who has lied, deceived and slept with another woman after he has committed himself to you. You might forgive, but you can never forget. And the memories will always keep a measure of doubt active in your mind. That is in the nature of betrayal.

Manila Times

By Bob Garon

Too Good to Be True

HAVE you ever had anything in your life that’s simply “too good to be true”? I’m actually pondering on the thought within the context of being given something rare; say an opportunity or expensive thing, without having to pay in return. Most people call it charity; others, blessing. For some, it’s just pure luck. No matter how one calls it, the most interesting question will always be that if it happens, does it really come without any price at all?

Great responsibility comes with every great talent. I believe the same applies in privileges, blessings, or fortune. A great part of our Filipino tradition also urges Gratitude. Well, it’s more of indebtedness. Utang na loob. Unfortunately, these things are too difficult to quantity. Come to think of it, they can never be quantified. Someone told me once, “For as long as you can avoid it, never ask any favour from anyone – not even your friends. You will never be able to repay an ‘utang na loob’. Trust me.” I actually believe him. But that doesn’t discount some people who actually find joy in helping others without asking for something in return. Even if they deserve more, a simple smile of appreciation is enough for them. I also believe that prayers for them would do wonders. These are people who I find to be too good to be true. I actually know a few.

Maybe being too-good-to-be-true or doing something that’s too-good-to be-true comes from believing in the good that’s in all of us beyond all odds; believing that even if something turns out bad, what’s more important is that you did the right thing in the first place. Hmm….Better said than done? Ah well, it happens.

SunStar

Consumer website ‘unknown’

A GROUP that advocates for consumers’ rights has been maintaining websites for about five years to allow consumers to voice complaints, but only a few has taken advantage of it.

The Consumers’ Complaints Center Inc. (CCCI) maintains two websites— http://www.maritimewatch.ph, which is a venue for passengers to air grievances and discuss related to the maritime industry, and http://www.reklamo.ph, which hosts forums on complaints and comments of consumers of goods and services.

CCCI president Vicente Gambito told Sun.Star Cebu last Wednesday that the websites have not attracted many visitors. He said, though, that the group is not giving up the sites.

“Technology is helping consumers find their voice,” he said, adding that this is why the group will continue maintaining the site in the hope of attracting more people.

He said CCCI was created for the purpose of gathering, collating and verifying different complaints from consumers. The group was organized by the same individuals who opposed the phone metering and the “free text” removal.

“There are a lot of abuses against consumers in our country. The consumer advocacy in the Philippines has been emancipated,” Gambito said.

Sun.Star Cebu News